


What I Am

by GeorgeFredSlytherin



Category: Code Geass
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21816610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgeFredSlytherin/pseuds/GeorgeFredSlytherin
Summary: Character study of Lelouch and Shirley as they grow and their lives intertwine.
Relationships: Shirley Fenette/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	What I Am

Shirley is the sun. She is joy and bouncing brightness that burns when irritated, but still lights up the day. She is tall beauty that doesn’t seem to know it. She is innocence and blushing and ‘love is power.’ She is never giving up. She is reminding someone to study, to eat, to sleep, because she _cares_. She is laughter and encouragement and protection.

Lulu is elegance. He is a slight smirk when he stops a moron and long fingers working for hours on paperwork that Milly “forgot” to do. He is complaining but never giving up. He is doing what he wants because other people are stupid and who cares. He is full blown smiles with Nunnally and laughter that’s contagious when he finally lets it out and friends with an Eleven, and so very _kind_.

And she loves him.

Zero is just. He is terror and killer and savior. He is hiding and running and _helping_ when no one else does. He is elegant plans and putting down drug rings and saving children in falling buildings. He is fighting Britannia and fighting Elevens and just _fighting_ , but always for a reason.

Shirley is ‘my father just died.’ She is crying in the rain and kissing and guilt because she took advantage. She is fear and tired and guilt and anger (but how can she be angry at Lulu)? She is a gun that can’t shoot her friend and beautiful memories that bring her to tears. She is losing memories and sadness and lies that she doesn’t know exist.

Lelouch is darkness. He is dragging and blood and drugs when things go wrong. He is having to be saved (because he saves everyone). He is terrifying and terrified and so very _alone_ and no one can fill the gap. He is holding the world. He is smiling and laughing and lying and forgetting what is true and what is not. He is looking at Nunnally and knowing (hoping) that it is worth it.

Shirley is rewritten and happy again and twinkling eyes and confidence she never had before. She is remembering and terrified and lonely and doubting. She is fear of friends and seeing lies everywhere and wanting to forgive and not knowing how.

And then Shirley is _understanding_.

Shirley is running and faithful and love, because she is the sun and the sun never sets. She is wonder because she is brightness and sadness and rewritten and remembering and _Lulu is more than one thing too._

Because Lelouch Lamparouge is elegance and darkness and laughter. He is complaining and bloodshed and justness and kindness. He is loving and losing and lost and _lonely_. (And that last one is so, so sad)

And ‘love is power’ and encouragement and protection and light bring an end to lonely, and she is those things, and she wants to help him.

Shirley is a gun in her hand and trusting love and giving her everything. She is innocence and courage and confidence and never giving up and other things she gained along the way. She is trusting and asking and wanting to help –

And she is in pain.

Lelouch is brokenness. He is tears and rocking a girl back and forth and begging and bargaining and ordering. He is loved and unknowing and assuming that he will always have her. He is blood-covered (but now it is her blood) and fear and screams and so much anger. He is lies and smiles and broken boy and angry brother and revenge.

Lelouch is running and working and laughing but broken. He is betrayed and ‘you must live’ and _losing again_ and uncomprehending of love until it is too late.

Shirley is hope and watching and reaching to help even when he cannot feel. She is an open hand and a smile because, ‘I forgave him, why not you?’ She is holding Rolo when he cries and laughing with him and protection and love and _forgiveness_.

Lelouch is ‘my mother is alive.’ He is rising bile in his throat and tears behind his eyes and not crying because he has to be strong. He is betrayed and confusion and ‘why did you leave us?’ and finally understanding and wishing he hadn’t. He is acceptance. He is rejection. He is killer.

He is king.

Lelouch is murder and death and ‘send more people into the bombs.’ He is, “Nunnally is alive’ and ‘I love her’ and ‘she hates me’ and ‘follow the plan.’ He is seeking hate and being kissed and holding back desire and ‘I can’t hurt you.’ He is torment and secret weights that only C.C. and Suzaku know. He is lying smirks and head held high and feared and fearing and tired and resigned.

And he is in pain.

Shirley and Lelouch together are protection and love and caring. They are helping when no one is watching and crying with each other because ‘love is power,’ and love does not hide.

Shirley and Lelouch together are guilt and acceptance and compromise and love. They are complaining and joy. They are forgiveness and sacrifice.

And they are happy.


End file.
